Just Breathe
I didn’t realize how many people read my blog until I took a break. I got so many DM’s on @mywishingpeanut Instagram asking when I’m going to post my next one!
I’m sorry, I know it’s been a while, I had a lot of things going on. My husband threw out his back so bad that I had to rush him to the ER because he thought he broke it. He was in so much pain. The doctor examined him and she told him to take a week off from work. Since he’s been unproductive because of his injury, I felt like I was “Super Mom.” Since I don’t have a baby yet besides my fur baby, I think I’ll call myself “Super Wife” instead of “Super Mom.”
The only time I will allow someone to refer me as Mom is when my husband talks to Peanut and asks her “Where’s Mama?” Then she looks at me, which I think is pretty darn cute!
Anyway, back to me being super busy with my life and my mind going 10 miles a minute. I felt like I had no time for myself. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy playing “Super Wife.” It made me feel wanted and needed. I love my husband and I was happy to take care of him. I had to take care of Peanut too because she’s battling an ear infection that she can’t shake off. Poor thing.
So now since he has recovered and gone back to work, I do feel like I have a little time to myself. My husband planned to go to the gym so I cooked Peanut’s food early, got her in her Pajamas, and made me a warm bubble bath.
Sometimes I like to clear my mind and sit here to just think or sometimes I bring a book to read because I just love how this warm bath hits my body. It helps me with my anxiety. I don’t know where I got this anxiety from. It just came and stayed with me. I would be the one to set up what we called “Cousin Kick It Days” or a “Girls Day” but for some reason I don’t have the energy or motivation to do so. So I sat here and thought why I closed myself off from so many people that I love. I do love my family and friends, but I think seeing something that I want and desire brings me so much pain. The ones close to me didn’t seem to have trouble making a baby. why can’t I be like them? Why me? I also know that I’m a bit embarrassed. I think why it’s so hard for us to do a simple task? People ask me all the time, “when are you and Chris going to have a baby?” Or the thing I hate the most is when people say, “Too bad you guys don’t have kids yet, you guys will make beautiful babies.” No fucking shit! Thanks for the reminder that I can never see what my husband and I created.
Sometimes when I sit here and think, I think about if this is God’s plan. Should I accept it? How do I move on? I pray to God to give me healing. I pray to God for acceptance. If this is his plan, please don’t let me suffer through it all. Sometimes when things get rough, I question his existence, but then I remember all the wonderful blessings he brought to me and my family.
All I know is that I’m going to keep trying. I’m not giving up. I need to learn how to relax and enjoy myself at every situation I’m in. I do need to enjoy life since it will pass me by if I don’t. Live in the moment.
“Sometimes we are tested to not show our weakness, but to discover our true strengths.”
My favorite bubble bath I use is something that hits me close to home. I used this as a child living in Pennsylvania and continued when we moved to California. It’s very nostalgic. Have you guys heard of Mr. Bubbles? You can find it on Amazon!
