Mother’s Day
Happy Mother’s Day to my true best friend, my mother. Growing up my mom raised my brother and I while my dad’s company would transfer him to work in different states. I remember days where we would walk my brother to West Pottsgrove Elementary school and I would beg my mom that she lets me bring my 5 Care Bears. Everyday she would tell me that I would have to carry them to and from the school, which I always agreed, but everyday my mom would always carry all of them home. I also remember days where we would walk to the laundromat because we didn’t have a washer or dryer in our town home. She would carry me when I was tired in one arm and carry the laundry basket in the other arm. I always thought she was a super women. She still is.
Growing up I would tell myself that when I become a mom, I would love to be just like her. Raise my kids the way she raised my brother and I. So far I haven’t gotten to experience this.
Today is mother’s day 2019. I was excited to be with my parents today, but I was dreading seeing all the social media posts about all the lucky moms out there. There is a chance that I will never get to experience this day, which saddens me. I know I have Peanut, but there are simple little things that I do want to hear in my lifetime. I do want to hear someone call me Mommy. I do want to hear a little voice tell me that they love me. I do want to experience temper tantrums and baby cries. I want to experience my baby crying, begging me to carry them. I do want to experience all the wonderful things that I had with my mom with my own child.
I spoke briefly to my mom today and finally told her about IVF. I was so hesitant to tell her because I didn’t want her to know how much money this was going to cost. I didn’t want her to get excited about something, which could end up in heartbreak. The day Chris and I told my parents we were pregnant with our twins, happened on Mother’s Day 2016. I didn’t know how to tell her that they didn’t survive. When I did, it crushed her. I know how much my mom wants to be a grandma. This is why I’m so secretive with her when it comes to my journey. I don’t want her to feel disappointment again. I guess you can I’m trying to protect her feelings.
I guess all I can do is think positive. I’m trying to get my body prepared for IVF so there will be a higher chance for a success. I’ve learned stress was something that can put a negative impact on this journey. So I’ve learned to just keep calm and stay strong.
The morning we found out we’re pregnant in 2016.
The day I felt complete.
