Happy Holidays — THE MAC'S ARE HERE

Happy Holidays! I hope everyone is enjoying their holiday season!

I use to dread this time of year. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my family and friends, but then I dread that awful question…. “When are you going to have kids?” I hated that question. I hated that question because of the person I become. I could be in a happy mood, having a nice mellow conversation, but when people interrupt my conversation by asking me when I’m going to have kids, I snap. I’ve done this on more than one occasion and I would have the most fucked up replies. I think I even said, “I’m not sure, why don’t you ask God why he hasn’t blessed us yet.”

Damn, living with infertility puts you in a shitty ass mood. I couldn’t even tell you how much money we spent on this. I even felt awful that I couldn’t buy my nieces and nephews nice presents for two Christmas’ because this IVF has drowned our savings. Since the infertility treatments in the past did not work for us, it was recommended by our IVF doctor that every test that she recommended was necessary. When we finally thought we were catching up financially, we were hit with another surprise. We were surprised that our first payment didn’t even include the egg transfer, 2nd set of ultrasounds, blood work for the egg transfer, 2nd set of medications, labs, and doctors fees. We were drowning. For those who have gone through IVF, you know they won’t continue until you pay up. Even though I complain constantly about how expensive this is, I do feel like it’s worth it in the end. After all the tests we have done, the odds are in our favor. I still have this heavy weight on my shoulders, but I hope one day this weight can be lifted off.

I saw my cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews a couple days ago. We celebrated Christmas early. I finally felt ok. I wasn’t scared being asked the awful question. No one asked me, but people did hug me and let me know that they are praying for me and thinking about me. My nieces and nephews already think of me as a mom. They would ask me where our little fur baby is. Or they would call me and my husband, peanuts mom and dad. Lol. Being with them, all my feelings and emotions go away. I’m finally happy, but of course when the holidays are over, there are times I’m back in my mood. I believe family is the best medicine and I’m very fortunate to have a ton of them.

I wanted to give a special shout out to my 2 cousins who have the biggest heart. My ate Laurel and Lindsey. They surprised Peanut with a gift, but had me in mind. Thank you so much for the pineapple vibes. My heart felt full of love when I … I mean when Peanut opened her gifts. I love you both.

You know, I always am curious who reads my blogs. I have this Squarespace analytics where it shows how many people visited per day, the state, city, and country they are from, but that’s all the information I get. Let me know so I can thank you personally for the support.

If you know anyone who is expecting or you yourself. Think of SmilingPea. If you look closely, we have a burp cloth that has pineapples on them. I didn’t even learn about how they give good luck for couples who are experiencing infertility. What a coincidence!