Let's Be Real...

When I started this blog, I promised this would be raw, uncensored, but yet humbling and my most vulnerable. I would be honest and not to sugar coat anything.

Well I thought I would never see this number on my scale ever since I lost it back in 2010. It slowly crept up to my current weight in the last two years. I look back and think about how the fuck did this happen? I know I stopped going to the gym regularly when I started this new job. They saw how much I knew about finances and promoted me within months. I felt like I had to prove myself so I worked my ass off, which of course led to unconscious eating due to stress from trying to be the best. I worked 80 hours a week! It didn’t help that my job supplied free food. I was unconsciously eating. I could have gone to the gym after work, but then I would feel guilty leaving Peanut by herself again so I stayed home with her. I tried to bring her to work a couple times, but I uncovered my sweet little pup’s diva personality. Not going to happen!

Also, within the two years that I gained back all my weight was when I suffered a big loss. I actually felt depressed. I had really bad anxiety. I did not know what to do, but hide how I was feeling.

Clomid and progesterone made me gain more weight too!

So what did I do? I ate. I’m an emotional eater. Food makes me happy. Food also makes my husband happy, but the only difference is that he goes to the gym everyday.

Okay, I see what I’m doing now. I’m giving EXCUSES! I need to cut this shit out and do something about it. I have PCOS and over weight. Getting pregnant with PCOS would be easier if I lost the weight. I tried the whole dieting and exercise and even had a support buddy. My friend Stacy and I made a pact to call/text each other when we were going to fall off our weight loss journey. I never texted her. I didn’t have a reason to stay motivated. The first time I lost the weight, I had people who wanted me to work my ass off to try out for the Olympics. People who worked at he Nike headquarters. I couldn’t let them down. Well now I have a reason. When everyone I love has the one thing I want. It’s my fault for not doing all I can do make things happen.

So on January 27th, 2019, I weighed in at 154.8. The most I’ve weighed since I met my husband. He understands that the clomid and progesterone pills has caused some of this weight gain so he doesn’t make comments.

I’m really serious about this big time! I’m ready to drop down to a healthy weight. I’m going to be in a normal BMI range! For those who do not know me, I’m very short! I mean shorter than most. I’m 4’10 and weigh 154.8. According to this BMI calculator, I’m in a category of Obese Class 1. My BMI is 32.35.

For once in my life, I’m going to make a realistic goal. My first goal will be 145 pounds by February 15, 2019. That is 19 days to lose 9.8 pounds. Then I’ll go from there.

A SCALE MEASURES HOW MUCH I WEIGHT, BUT NOT HOW MUCH I’M WORTH…