Losing Weight - Struggle
The struggle is real. I haven’t been posting my daily weigh ins on my mywishingpeanut instagram because my surgery has left me a lot of discomfort. It’s been one and a half weeks since my egg retrieval and of course I was feeling the worst. I remember a couple days after the surgery, I told my husband that if this doesn’t work, I wouldn’t want to do this again. I put my body through hell for the past couple weeks. I was in no mood for anything. The medications during my surgery left me with abdominal pain, bloating that I have never experienced ever in my life, 2 ovaries that was 3 times bigger than the average size, and the worst constipation ever. I didn’t even poop for over a week. I had to buy over the counter laxatives because my stomach made me look 5 months pregnant. It was the worst.
It took almost 2 weeks for my body to look normal again. I’m still fat, but I am the size I was before my surgery. I’m losing weight slowing and the struggle is real. I’m trying to lose at least 5-10 more pounds by September 13, 2019. That day is my 5 year wedding anniversary,
but it’s also the day I have to see my doctor who will give me my biopsy results from my eggs. If my blood work shows no improvement on my A1C, then the egg transfer will be postponed, which will be devastating!
I tried to stay off social media for a bit because I get tempted when I see people’s food posts. I follow tasty, theirregularlens, foodgod, and buzzfeedtasty, which makes losing weight so hard. I watch YouTube and when I log on I see the Popeyes chicken reviews or the 10,000 calorie challenges. I get these wicked cravings, which drives me insane. All of these years, I felt like I was addicted to food. I even texted my husband all the foods I would get at every fast food place while he was at work and I was home sick. 🤦🏻♀️
I believe I think about food more than the average person. I was even craving fried tacos so bad that I told my husband to take me to Los Angeles to get some fried tacos. We went back home the same day. For those who don’t know, I live about 6 hours away from Los Angeles.
My normal order from Taco Bell would be 2 bean burritos with no onions, 1 beef chalupa supreme, 1 double decker supreme, and 2 crunchy tacos, which I can definitely finish in one sitting. My normal order from McDonald would be 1 fish filet, 1 McChicken, 1 double cheeseburger with no onions, 10 piece nuggets with sweet and sour sauce, and small fries with no salt. My husband and I would also get our own pizzas because he knows I’ll be pissed if he ate more. Oh gawd! I’m so pathetic sometimes! This was fine a couple years back because I ran marathons and trained for the 2016 Olympics and ran about 50 miles every single week so I was able to eat all this food in one sitting.
It’s a struggle, but each time I want something so bad, I always think of “my why.” Why am I doing this? Why do I want to lose weight? Why would this beneficial? It’s because I want to be a mother. I want my husband to be a father. I want my mom to be a grandma. I want my dad to be a grandpa. I want my brother to be an uncle. I want peanut to be a big doggy sister. I want to start a family. When I think of all those things, it makes it easier for me to say no to my cravings. When I think of all those things, it makes it easier for me to get up and take long walks.
We’ve been trying to have a baby since 2016. We tried the natural way for 2 years, but in 2018 we started different types of fertility treatments. I was hesitant at first to start these treatments because I didn’t want to gain any weight, but starting a family is something I wanted more. My husband said I can always lose the weight, but if I don’t try I will always have that “what if” feeling. During this process, I put on 30 pounds in the last two years. I’m not saying I regret this, I’m just saying that I’m sad that I have to go through this. It seems like it was easy for everyone else to have kids, but I had to be the 1 of 4. Last week I had one of those days. I had a day where I was an emotional wreck. My husband is so fit. He takes care of himself. Always made the right food choices. So I asked him if he ever felt embarrassed to be seen out in public with me. He did remind me that he took me to Vegas and to Hawaii because he knows that I love being out in the water. He did buy me a bathing suit, not cover ups for each day we were there. He also said that he already knew how the process would be. If he didn’t want me to gain weight, he wouldn’t have wanted me to start this process. I guess I just needed reassurance.
Here are a couple of photos of me a couple years back. Hope you remember this gal..
Before I end this blog, I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who supported SmilingPea along the way! We started this just for us to keep our mind busy, but my husband was skilled to scale it to something real. Something that will lead to a brighter future of us. WE really appreciate your support. For those of you who are expecting or know someone who is, think of us!
