Anxiety
My anxiety hit an all time high today. I know I’m not suppose to stress out during this time, but my stress levels needs to chill the fuck out!
After a whole year of testing with this fertility clinic, it’s finally going to happen. In 5 days, I will be knocked up by Dr. Dobbs. My FET (frozen embryo transfer) is on January 14th, 2020. Where are all my prayer warriors at? I need all the baby dust, pineapple sprinkles, and prayers I can get.
My husband has been great. I can see he’s more patient, kind, and is taking really good care of me. He already does all those things, but he’s being a little extra!
So my progesterone shots start today and my husband has to give them to me. He’s a bit scared, but I totally trust him. I’m also taking new meds today orally, so this is a bit overwhelming. I‘ve been taking estrace, which is a medication that thickens the lining and the only symptoms I’m experiencing is a little bloating. I’m thankful I’m not experiencing anything worse.
I know I should not expect the worst. I’m trying to think positive and believe this will finally work for us, but it’s honestly really hard to think that way from previous failed experiences with other fertility procedures. My miscarriages and failed pregnancy put these permanent scars in my heart that for now that’s all I will ever know.
I know I have a lot of people praying for me. I also do believe in miracles. I also do believe that if this does not work for me, God will definitely give me strength and acceptance that being a furmom is what I’ll ever be. For now, I do believe this will happen. I’m finally putting this out in the universe.
Before I end this blog, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been with me through my journey. It’s been a year since I’ve created this website. I didn’t even realize it’s been a year until my annual payment of $216 from Squarespace came out from my account! I was like, damn I didn’t think this would last that long! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! This has been motivation to keep me motivated, to help me stay positive, and of course hopeful. Most importantly, you all definitely help me stay sane! Thank you for sharing your stories with me and helping me realize that this is not a one person journey. Many of us are going through this and we have to remember not to feel ashamed. We were the lucky ones picked to show everyone how strong we can be! One day you will hear someone call you Mama or Daddy. If this was not meant to be in your cards, just say fuck it and still live your best life. Travel the fucking world, visit exotic places, eat great food. Just always remember to LOVE LIFE!
On another note.. Thank you everyone who bought these babies! We just sent our last 2019 check to St. Jude! You are all incredibly amazing!
