September 18, 2020
September 18, 2020 is the best day of my life. My life that has changed for the better. A feeling of completeness and my heavy burden that has been weighing down on my shoulders has finally been lifted.
September 18, 2020 is the day my daughter Koa made her appearance to the world. She came 2 weeks early, which was unexpected. I had my 38 week appointment this day and the doctor said Koa was still breeched and she was already measuring at 40 weeks. They needed the baby out now, so my husband and I walked to the hospital to check in. The staff was already waiting for us and I didn’t even have to wait. Everything was happening so fast. They brought me to a room and prepped me for surgery. I didn’t even get a chance to call my parents because of how fast things were going. I walked with the nurses to the surgery room and I remember the room being so white and sterile. I got an epidural and just laid there. I remember having a really bad panic attack because I couldn’t feel my legs when I tried to move them and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. I had an amazing anesthesiologist who kept me calm. After I was prepped, they allowed my husband to come in. He sat next to me behind the drape and held my hand the whole time. I remember feeling a lot of pressure, but nothing was painful. About 30 minutes later, we met our daughter, but she was taken from me because her blood sugar was so low. They had to feed her and she was in the Nicu for 3 days. Our baby came out huge, but she was still so beautiful. Koa made me believe that love at first sight really does exist.
I have been waiting for this moment which felt like forever, but I do not regret one thing. The things I have learned from infertility is something I can not learn from school. The experience of meeting wonderful people, people who I have never met messaging me to tell me their stories, and people who I have known forever told me about their struggles. I wouldn’t even have guessed they were experiencing the same issue as me. This definitely is a silent diagnosis and we should not be ashamed asking for help. I believe prayer is powerful. When we finally decided to open up about our struggles and our failed attempts to get pregnant, we had an army of people praying for us and now our little blessing is here. If my journey helped people understand what women with infertility goes through, then I feel like I have succeeded. I really appreciate everyone who has followed me through my journey and I promise to try and post more regularly.
Just remember these phrases are not ok to ask:
When are you going to have kids?
Trust me, you don’t want kids.
You need to relax, it will happen.
Maybe parenthood is not for you.
It took my friend 5 years, so it will happen to you too!
Just adopt.
You don’t want kids?
Maybe you shouldn’t have waited so long to start trying.
We need to just be there for someone. Hold their hand while they cry. Hug them. Let them know you’ll always be there for them. Tell them you wished they didn’t have to go through this and you’ll keep them in your prayers and MEAN IT!
